She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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