Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
