i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
