She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
