I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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