Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
