I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
