last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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