Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
