This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
