Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
