If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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