apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
