hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
