he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
