Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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