Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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