i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
