I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
