I feel great
I just peed on a car
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
