I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
