Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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