WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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