Joe is yelling at the trees again.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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