u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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