i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just invented taco cereal.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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