I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You ruined the universe
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize