Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
