Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
