I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
