Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
