Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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