You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
