ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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