Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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