I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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