just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
