I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You ate ashes out of my bong
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize