the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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