So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
