broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize