"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
