I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
