drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
