is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize