I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
