I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
