Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
