Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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