I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Boobs speak an international language.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
