This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
