Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Randomize
