I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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