This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
