Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
