Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
