we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
