Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
