i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Holy sore nipples Batman
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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