she looked like the before picture.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
