so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
