Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He better not be in your backpack
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
