the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
