my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
