In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
