before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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