note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize