I met the friendliest cop last night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
