sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
