Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
