dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
